Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, Nor stands in the path of sinners, Nor sits in the seat of the scornful; Psalms 1:1 NKJV
Recently I read an article that questioned rather or not black women made good friends. I was immediately appalled by the question. The article relayed habits such as putting each other down and debasing women that were attempting to make something of their lives. I could not debate that we as black women are the hardest critics of ourselves. I did wonder which race of women did not display catty behaviors? I questioned if there is a race where the women were not competitive and did not talk about each others accomplishments with disdain. Dismissing the hard work and achievements accomplished by others due to the insecurities in their own lives.
My truth is that you will not like everyone and everyone will not like you. In my experience people either love me or hate me and there is no in between. Recently, I have started to attempt to take responsibility for others perceptions realizing that I do have some control over the perception. But I cannot control their judgements or their behaviors as a result of their perceptions.
I now overstand that there will always be something bad spoken for every good that I try to attempt. In some woman’s mind somewhere on earth they will believe that I could have done it differently, better or not at all. Life enforces that there is always someone who can do it better than me. However, I will not let that curtail my attempts to try.
My thought, if you cannot find that supportive group of girlfriends that will encourage and support your moves toward your destiny, check out what kind of friend you are. Examine yourself for the characteristics that have hurt you.
During the course of this journey God pulled a group of women together that was so vital to my experience with life. At one point in time they all got on my nerves, and the feeling was mutual for them. But somehow we managed to forgive, forget, love and pray for one another. Looking back on our lives we have all achieved monumental success. Over that time ministries have birthed, careers changes were made, love found and lessons learned in life that carved paths to healing, happiness, and overall growth. I believed that we learn to accept each other for who we are and allowed each other to be, even when we did not agree. But don’t get it twisted, a sister will get checked for stepping out of line! When my mother gave me the aforementioned scripture as a young married woman, she told me to be careful who I hung around and what source I was seeking advice from concerning my marriage.
My mother told me it was essential that I ensure that their advice was leading me to Christ and encouraging me to exhibit Christ-like behaviors. Tell the truth, you know what sista will have you busting windows out of cars and what sista will turn down her plate and get a word from God. We seek the advice of one over the other to satisfy our own emotional needs. It always good to have a window breaker on the team! Her energy can force you to fight back, not necessarily with bricks. I say again, check yourself, are you giving ungodly counsel, standing in the pathway of sin beckoning your friends to enter? Is the seat that is saved beside you, full of backbiting and gossip?
Stop blaming a race for characteristics shown throughout the nations and check your own behaviors. Cause I could not have made it without my GIRLS, Gifted Inspiration Reinforcing my Linkage to Salvation! So to my GIRLS I say thank you! Thank you for the emergency meetings reminding me of my authority in Christ. Thank you for the prayer meetings in the hallways, cubicles and offices. Thank you for the outpouring of encouraging text messages, the emergency girls night out interventions, the emergency shopping trips, the early morning and late night phone calls. Thank you for checking me when I was out of line. Thank you for you spiritual insight and discerning spirits! I am thankful that your counsel reinforces Christ-like behavior in my life. To Hotlotta, The Attorney At Law, Sexy Lexy, Little Sista Niecy, Ms. Oh So Fly the mother of Wisdom, The Professor of Life, Professor McDay, Dr. Crenshaw, Reverend Pitchford, Mz. Keeping it Oh So Real my bff, The Cuz the #1 homegirl!, Faye, Tanya the inventor of the phrase, “Bigger, Better, Badder, Shit!” Brown Eyes Beasely, and Evangelist Holt! I love my GIRLS!